Terms of Service

Last Updated: September 13, 2026

Welcome to Boner.haus (“Boner.haus,” “the Site,” “we,” “us,” or “our”). By accessing or using this website, you agree to these Terms of Service.

Please read them carefully. Or at least read Section 1, because it explains the entire joke.

1. This Website Is a Parody

Boner.haus is a parody and satire website.

Boner.haus is an independently created comedic website that parodies, among other things, restaurant websites, food branding, and advertising language..

Boner.haus is not affiliated, sponsored, endorsed, authorized, operated, or approved by by any other company, restaurant, owner, employee, franchisee, affiliate, or other person.

Any similarities between Boner.haus and another website, restaurant, brand, menu, logo, visual presentation, advertising style, product description, or other commercial material may be intentional as part of the parody.

The purpose of those similarities is comedic commentary, imitation, exaggeration, absurdity, and satire.

If you arrived here expecting to actually purchase anything, something has gone terribly wrong.

2. No Affiliation or Endorsement

References to third-party businesses, brands, products, services, trademarks, trade names, restaurant concepts, websites, or other intellectual property are made for purposes including parody, commentary, criticism, identification, and humor.

Unless expressly stated otherwise, the owners of those third-party properties have no relationship with Boner.haus.

All third-party trademarks, service marks, trade names, logos, and other intellectual property remain the property of their respective owners.

The appearance of a third-party name or property on Boner.haus should not be interpreted as sponsorship, endorsement, partnership, authorization, or affiliation.

3. Comedic and Fictional Content

Boner.haus contains jokes.

A lot of them are about boners.

Statements, menus, promotions, testimonials, products, employees, services, business practices, events, locations, advertisements, food items, announcements, and other materials appearing on the Site may be fictional, exaggerated, absurd, satirical, or otherwise presented solely for comedic purposes.

You should not rely upon material published on Boner.haus as a factual representation regarding any actual business, product, restaurant, person, or service.

Nothing on the Site should be interpreted as an offer to sell an actual product or service unless the Site specifically and unambiguously says otherwise.

4. Adult Humor

Boner.haus contains sexual jokes, vulgar language, innuendo, and other material that some people may consider offensive, immature, tasteless, inappropriate, or extremely funny.

By continuing to use the Site, you acknowledge the nature of the content and accept the possibility that you may encounter jokes about erections, coitus meat, sauces, buns, sausages, things being shoved into other things repeatedly, and related subjects.

If this material is not for you, please leave the Site.

There are many other websites on the Internet.

5. Intellectual Property

Except for third-party materials referenced or incorporated for purposes such as parody, commentary, criticism, or identification, the original content of Boner.haus—including original writing, jokes, graphics, designs, characters, and other creative material—is owned by or licensed to Boner.haus and may be protected by applicable intellectual-property laws.

Nothing in these Terms grants users ownership of Boner.haus content.

Nothing in these Terms claims ownership over trademarks, copyrighted works, logos, trade names, or other intellectual property belonging to third parties.

6. Acceptable Use

You may access and enjoy Boner.haus for lawful purposes.

You may not intentionally interfere with the Site, attempt to gain unauthorized access to its infrastructure, distribute malicious software through it, impersonate the Site or its operators for fraudulent purposes, or use the Site in a manner that violates applicable law.

You may, however, tell your friends that you found a website called Boner.haus.

In fact, we encourage this.

7. Links to Other Websites

Boner.haus may contain links to third-party websites.

Those websites are controlled by their respective operators, not by Boner.haus. We are not responsible for their content, privacy practices, availability, security, accuracy, or unfortunate lack of boner-related branding.

A link does not imply endorsement, affiliation, or sponsorship.

8. No Warranties

Boner.haus is provided on an “as is” and “as available” basis.

To the fullest extent permitted by applicable law, we make no warranties regarding the Site's availability, accuracy, reliability, suitability, functionality, or continued existence.

We do not warrant that the jokes will be funny.

We especially do not warrant that your coworkers or Human Resources Team will find them funny when they see Boner.haus in your browser history.

9. Limitation of Liability

To the fullest extent permitted by applicable law, Boner.haus and its operators will not be liable for indirect, incidental, special, consequential, exemplary, or punitive damages arising from or relating to your use of—or inability to use—the Site.

This includes, without limitation, embarrassment resulting from explaining why you visited a website called Boner.haus.

Nothing in these Terms excludes or limits liability where doing so would be prohibited by applicable law.

10. Changes to the Site or These Terms

We may modify, suspend, redesign, remove, expand, shrink, stiffen, soften, or otherwise change the Site at any time.

We may also update these Terms from time to time.

The “Last Updated” date at the top of this page indicates when the Terms were most recently revised. Continued use of the Site after changes become effective constitutes acceptance of the revised Terms to the extent permitted by law.

11. Reports and Intellectual-Property Concerns

If you are a rights holder and believe content appearing on Boner.haus raises an intellectual-property concern, you may contact us at:

admin@boner.haus

Please identify the material at issue and explain the basis for your concern so that it can be reviewed.

Sending us a complaint does not automatically mean we agree with it, but we will absolutely read it, and mock you and/or your leal team publicly.

Probably while trying very hard not to make another boner joke.

12. Severability

If any provision of these Terms is determined to be invalid or unenforceable, the remaining provisions will remain in effect to the fullest extent permitted by law.

Much like a stubborn boner, the rest of these Terms will continue standing. Thank you.

13. Entire Agreement

These Terms constitute the agreement between you and Boner.haus regarding your use of the Site, except where additional terms are expressly provided.

14. Human Centipede Agreement and Mandatory Boner Affirmation

By accessing, browsing, viewing, scrolling through, laughing at, groaning at, or otherwise interacting with Boner.haus, you expressly acknowledge, affirm, represent, warrant, proclaim, and spiritually concede the following:

14.1 Boners Rock

Boners rock.

You agree that boners are, broadly speaking, pretty fucking cool.

You further acknowledge that this conclusion was reached freely and independently and not as the result of coercion, duress, undue influence, misleading advertising, hypnotism, or an unusually persuasive pictures and/or drawings.

14.2 The Human Centipede Clause

By continuing to use Boner.haus, you agree to be incorporated into a Human Centipede at a position to be determined solely by Boner Haus management.

Position assignments may include front, middle, rear, auxiliary middle, alternate rear, or such other position as circumstances require.

14.3 No Take-Backsies on Boners

Your affirmation that boners rock shall be considered philosophically irreversible for the duration of your visit.

Closing the browser, clearing your cookies, entering Incognito Mode, changing your IP address, moving to another country, or yelling “I OBJECT” at your computer does not alter the historical fact that, at least once, you accessed Boner.haus under Terms stating that boners rock.

14.4 Continuing Acceptance

If you disagree that boners rock, you must immediately discontinue use of the Site and spend several minutes reflecting upon the series of decisions that brought you to Boner.haus in the first place.

Continued use of the Site constitutes your solemn acknowledgment that:

BONERS ROCK.

This is the most important contractual principle contained herein.

15. The Important Part, Again

Because someone inevitably skipped Section 1:

BONER.HAUS IS A PARODY WEBSITE.

IT IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH, SPONSORED BY, ENDORSED BY, AUTHORIZED BY, OR OPERATED BY ANY OTHER COMPANY OR ITS OWNERS OR AFFILIATES.

Thank you for coming to Boner.haus.

Please enjoy your boner responsibly.