Welcome to
Boner Haus
We love you!
WE DO ONE THING & DO IT RIGHT!
Our boners are exactly how you’d get them when you were thirteen: aggressive, akwardly large, and garunteed to make even the most mundane event a lot more exciting.
Have your boner first thing in the morning, maybe even before you get out of bed. Have an afternoon boner. Somebody said “moist”? Have a boner. Some of our customers even have their boners in their sleep. Boners for absolutely no fucking reason at all. Because at Boner Haus, we celebrate the unexpected.
And unlike that disappointing guy you dated, our boners contain no bullshit filler.
Every boner at Boner Haus starts with juicy Gordo meat shoved deep into a crispy Turkish pide pocket. It’s gonna be thick. It’s gonna be messy. It’s gonna end up in your hands, all over your mouth, and probably dripping down your chin before you’re halfway finished, pig boy. You’ll try to take the whole thing at once, realize you got a little too ambitious, then go right back in anyway. Because at Boner Haus, every boner comes with one goal: to absolutely fucking ruin you.
If you want to spend lunch with hot fresh meat in your mouth and our patent crème sauce running down your chin, then come on down and eat in. This is a judgment-free Haus, goddamnit.
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MUCH ADO ABOUT BONER KEBAB
Thick Torta Sandwiches
Meet our signature Boner Torta! Thick, stacked, and absolutely loaded, this beauty comes packed with juicy, perfectly seasoned meat, fresh toppings, and a generous slather of creamy sauce, all squeezed into an outfit that's too small. Big, messy, and impossible to keep your hands off - exactly how we like our Tortas. 😉
Boner Boxes
Our loaded Boner Box is hot, filthy, and sluttier than a Mormon on her mission to Africa. Get it absolutely filthy with a thick cut bed of fries, juicy throbbing meat piled on top, and creamy sauce dripping into every one of your little holes. We don’t skimp on the meat. Every bite is full of more protien then a mouthfull of hot spunk junk being pulsed down your throat. However you like your box filled, it doesn't matter. We’ll stuff you full until you’re completely satisfied, you dirty little pig.
Boner Wraps
You're gonna need both hands for the Boner Wrap. Squeeze gently at first, and then get ready for a hot mouthful of meat and sauce in every bite. It’s thick, messy, and thanks to our special pineapple maranade, surprisingly easy to swallow.
THE REAL DEAL
All our meats are:
- 100% Thick Horse Meat
- 100% Organic
- 100% Filler-free
- 100% Gluten-free
Cut or un-cut. We're bringing the heat!
BONER HAUS SOCIAL
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